I have a good friend, for example, who works in a job that requires him to be out of town almost all week every week. It’s a very difficult situation for him, as he hates being away from his family so much. He worries constantly that he’s not being a good father to his children. He’s tried to find other jobs and continues to search – but nothing has surfaced. And, frankly, the Lord has gifted him for this job; he’s good at it.

What can my friend do to really be a good father? I think a story about the great Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon can help.

When Charles was a child, his father worked as a faithful preacher who sometimes wondered if he neglected his own children. One morning his conscience was especially bothering him over this concern. So he returned home from his journey to some ministry opportunity.

According to Richard Day’s account in The Shadow of the Broad Brim, James Spurgeon wrote: “Going upstairs, I heard my wife’s voice. She was engaged in prayer for her children. I heard her pray for them one by one, by name. She came to Charles, and specially prayed for him, for he was of high spirit and daring temper. I listened till she had ended her prayer, and I felt and said, “Lord, I will go on with my work. Thy children will be cared for.”

The godly father at work might often feel great guilt that produces great grief over what he thinks is his neglect of his children. Such a man will, of course, seek to be faithful in his joyful duties toward his children – teaching them, caring for them, and providing for them. But the godly man earns his living (and provides for his family) by “the sweat of his brow.” And such sweat demands much time and energy not left for his child.

Blessed is the man, however, who can be confident that he has a godly wife at home who “will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). The man who has such a wife can be confident that while he works, his children are properly cared for.

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Of course, that doesn’t give a man permission to neglect his children in any way. But it does show that leading your wife, giving her a vision to pursue, spending time with her, ministering to her, and encouraging her can pay huge dividends with her and your children.

In fact, spending all your free time with your kids can do a lot of harm. Your wife will suffer from the neglect. And, since she spends a lot more time with your kids than you do, they will suffer as well. The Lord has given you a powerful ally in your pursuit to be a good father. The better you take care of that ally, the better the father you’ll be.

The best gift you can give your children (other than a heritage firmly rooted in Christ) is your wife and their mother – loved, cared for, cherished, and supported. Then, while you’re away, you’ll be able to say with James Spurgeon, “Lord, I will go on with my work.”

PS. Please note, paying special attention to your wife doesn’t excuse any father from developing a relationship with his children. Charles Spurgeon’s father had a mighty impact on his son – an impact that changed the world through his son’s preaching. So make sure you find ways to show your love even while you’re absent. You might write a letter, make a phone call, or schedule a date. You should pray for your children constantly – and let them know of your prayers.

(Ed. Note: Ray Rhodes is the founder and president of Nourished in the Word Ministries. His ministry focuses on family worship and parenting.)